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Writer's Block: A five-star location

What is the most beautiful destination in your city?

AH! An excellent question for me, living in beautiful Santa Barbara. There's many fabulous places to visit, including the courthouse, the Mission, Stearn's Wharf and City College. I recommend all these places for great views of the hills, city & ocean. 8)

i love this series XDD

SO excited to get this guy!! 8DDD

Writer's Block: Teenage dream

If you arrived at your front door and saw your first love standing there, what would you do or say?

Get the hell out of here NOW.

Writer's Block: Waitin' for a super name

If you were a superhero, what would your superhero name be?

Who am I? *turns up hoodie, puts on sunglasses*

...I'm Incognito.



It's come to the point that I'm amazed when dad even replies to me when I say hi to him while coming into the house. Seems like Ronni & him are ignoring me more and more, which I find increasingly awkward and it's simultaneously angering me and freaking me out. Ronni told me that guests were going to be here for thursday-sunday, so I agreed to move what little of my stuff I had in the guest bedroom back into my study where I'd be sleeping so guests could use the bedroom. I find it weird that she just didn't say it was her KIDS that were visiting. It's not like it'd matter at all to me, I'd still go back to the study and give the room up to them, I don't care either way.

I get the feeling that my family looks down on me a lot now because I hang out with Santino and sometimes spend the night at his house. But then I also think it might be the whole unemployed thing, too. It's not my fault AGIA moved the department to their phoenix office; if they hadn't, I'd totally still be working there. And if they think I'm not looking for work, they're wrong. I should be looking harder, I admit, but I AM getting unemployment and will continue to do so BECAUSE I'm looking for work! A regular, full-time position, NOT some stupid part-time job that's only 15 hours per week. If Santa Barbara had more good businesses in town, I'd have more of a chance at a job, but it's all fucking stupid clothing boutiques and professional shit I don't qualify for. Guess I'll just have to apply at groceries and fast food restaurants. B|

But hey, guess what! I'm ALSO looking into going back to school to earn a certificate so I can have a specific career job to pursue! Currently I'm focussed on phlebotomy, but I'm also going to explore other possibilities like ultra-sound tech or possibly other things related.

I just get the impression they don't know I'm really trying to get going so I can GET THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR WAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Because yes, I KNOW that's what they want. All I am is a nuissance that gets in the way. I try not to, believe it or not. I really try to stay out of their way, I really try not to annoy them, and for GOD'S SAKE I TRYYYY to not make them upset from my actions.

I'm sorry I'm so socially awkward, I wish I wasn't. I've always been this way. I'm horrified at the concept of meeting new people and attempting to make friends because of all the pointing and judging and just MEAN criticism I've experienced through life, so is it really surprising that I'm not much of a social person? I don't follow trends, I don't follow current events, I can't STAND tv, and my interests lie in the topics of geeks and nerds. I guess I'm just the classic loner nerd who only has nerd friends online. Yeah... sounds about right.

Maybe I would have had more friends growing up if my dad let me visit their houses. Maybe I would have had a better chance at making more friends if he let me fucking go outside and meet the fucking neighbors. Most friends I had in school were my friends because they didn't make fun of me as much as the rest of the fucking class, NOT because we had stuff in common. I was too much of a distracted child to have a lot in common with my peers; the more I think about it as I grow older, the more I wish I was tested for some sort of attention deficit disorder or something to that effect. There were a few good friends, but the best ones are always the hardest to come by, and I love them more than family. Which sounds really sad and not right, but for me, family has always been the people that tell me what to do, how to do it, what's necessary in life, and gets upset when I screw something up. They're not very good friends. Thankfully my bro is totally awesome and transcends the "family" category entirely, as does my sister-in-law. I don't mean to make my family seem like terrible people, because they're not! I'm just not in tune with their way of living and their principles and .... it's just plain fucking DIFFICULT for me to be around them when they rarely speak to me while I feel so socially awkward that I need to run to my best friend and try my best to be happy while at the same time trying not to get in their way, annoy or upset them.

But if they want to judge me based on my hanging out with my best friend, including occasionally spending the night at his house, they can take their self-righteous judging opinions and go to church. I'm just trying my best, here. What else can I do?





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January 2012


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